🧭 Why the smartest person in the room doesn't always win

Daniel Goleman on emotional intelligence

How to develop emotional intelligence

"You can’t be a great parent, coach, teacher, or teammate without emotional intelligence.”

It’s true in sports. It’s true in business. And it’s true in life.

The best leaders don’t just understand strategy—they understand people. The concept of emotional intelligence was first introduced by Daniel Goleman, who showed that the most effective leaders weren’t necessarily the smartest—they were the ones who could manage emotions, build relationships, and inspire others.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the foundation of leadership, relationships, and resilience. Unlike IQ, which is mostly fixed, EQ is trainable at any age. Just listen to Kobe Bryant talk about the importance of empathy and compassion:

So how do you develop it?

What is emotional intelligence and why it’s important

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, manage, and use emotions effectively—both in yourself and others.

Despite being the most important skill for leadership and teamwork, emotional intelligence isn’t taught in school. We focus on math, science, and test scores—but the ability to manage emotions, build relationships, and lead effectively is left out.

The best teams aren’t led by the smartest person in the room.
They’re led by the person who knows how to connect, influence, and inspire others. It’s the skill that separates great leaders from average ones.

Below are the 12 categories and components that Daniel Goleman has created to define emotional intelligence.

The 12 Components of Emotional Intelligence

1. Emotional Self-Awareness → The ability to recognize your own emotions and understand how they affect your performance

2. Self-Regulate → The skill to manage disruptive emotions, staying composed under stress or pressure

3. Positivity → Seeing the best in people and situations, allowing you to persist despite setbacks

4. Achieve → Striving for excellence by embracing challenges, taking calculated risks, and continuously improving

5. Adaptability → Staying focused on your goals while remaining flexible in how you achieve them

6. Empathy → Tuning into others' emotions, perspectives, and concerns to build deeper understanding

7. Organizational Awareness → The ability to read group dynamics, power structures, and key influencers

8. Influence → Engaging and persuading others in a positive way to gain buy-in and support

9. Coach → Helping others grow by understanding their goals, challenging them, and offering support

10. Inspire → Motivating others by bringing energy and passion to a shared mission or purpose

11. Teamwork → Collaborating effectively by fostering positive relationships and shared accountability

12. Conflict Management → Navigating difficult situations by encouraging open dialogue and finding common ground

How to improve emotional intelligence

Unlike IQ, which is mostly fixed, EQ can be developed and strengthened at any age.

1️⃣ Commit to Improving

• You won’t develop emotional intelligence unless you truly care about getting better.

• Leadership isn’t about knowing everything—it’s about understanding people.

• The first step is recognizing that EQ is just as important as technical skill.

2️⃣ Get Feedback

• You can’t fix what you can’t see.

• Use 360-degree assessments or ask for direct feedback to uncover blind spots.

• Example: A coach may think they’re motivating players, but feedback might reveal that they’re actually instilling fear.

3️⃣ Choose One Key Skill to Improve

• Don’t try to master all 12 components at once.

• Pick one (like self-awareness or empathy) and focus on it.

• Example: If conflict management is a weakness, start by handling one disagreement with curiosity instead of control.

4️⃣ Develop a Practice Plan & Stay Consistent

• Identify specific moments to apply the skill.

• If you’re working on coaching & development, give one piece of positive feedback daily.

• Consistency matters. Repeating a behavior for 3-6 months helps rewire your brain, making the change permanent.

• Example: If you want to be more emotionally balanced, practice pausing before reacting when you’re frustrated.

5️⃣ Manage Your Stress to Strengthen EQ

• Emotional intelligence breaks down under stress.

• When cortisol levels rise, self-regulation, empathy, and decision-making all decline.

• Practices like meditation, deep breathing, or exercise help regulate stress and keep emotions in check.

How to apply this today and takeaways

• If you’re a coach: Start by developing self-awareness. Ask your team for feedback and focus on how your energy affects them.

• If you’re a leader: Focus on coaching and development. Train yourself to listen first, then guide.

• If you’re an athlete: Work on emotional balance and grit. Recognize when frustration creeps in and develop strategies to reset.

Emotional intelligence isn’t just a “nice-to-have.” It’s the foundation of leadership, relationships, and resilience.

If you want to be great, train your EQ—just like any other skill.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What’s one emotional intelligence skill I need to improve?

• Do I create a psychologically safe environment for my team?

• How can I give better feedback and coaching to those around me?

The best leaders aren’t the loudest or the smartest—they’re the ones who understand people.

Train emotional intelligence. Practice it daily. Watch your impact grow.

Favorite Posts I Found This Week

Free Mental Fitness Links 👇

For Athletes and Performers:

• Story of Character and resilience from Darren Sproles

• Tom Brady on the principles of mental toughness

• Kobe Bryant explaining how to overcome your fears

• The 4 pillars of growth

• Bill Belichick on great teammates

For Coaches and Leaders:

• How Bill Belichick built a dynasty from the book: The Art of War

• Bill Walton explaining his years of learnings from Coach Wooden

• 11 coaching lessons from Kirby Smart

• How to define and create a winning culture

• Look for fountains on your team, not drains

What I am reading and listening to:

📚 Book: INNER EXCELLENCE: Train Your Mind for Extraordinary Performance and the Best Possible life by Jim Murphy

🎥 Video: LA Rams McVay on 2021 Super Bowl Run, OBJ, Matt Stafford & Bouncing Back from Last Year | The Pivot

🎧Podcast: Steve Sarkisian Joins Josh Pate - Pate State Speaker Series

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