“You may think that the definition of competition has to do with striving against something. You probably think of it as us against the Broncos, or you against the other person. That’s a pretty traditional thought of what competition is.

A lot of people think competition is this overwhelming thing - like you’re too competitive, you push too much, you push others. That’s not our definition of competition.

To us, it’s striving for something, which is really the old Greek definition of the word compete, as I’ve been told. And the striving part makes all the difference in the world.

We’re competing to be the best we can be.

We’re competing to have as much fun as we can possibly have. It’s for, not against, in our program. We champion competitive opportunities, moments, and illustrations.

Sure, somebody does win and somebody does lose, but that’s not what it’s about. It’s about working to become the best you can be.” - Pete Carroll

Mike Vrabel gave a masterclass on mindset after being named head coach of the New England Patriots.

"You can't let doubt creep into what you do as a person. I don't care what you do."

But here's the line that stopped me: "You have to be able to talk to yourself and not listen to yourself so much. You have to tell yourself what to believe."

Read that again - Talk to yourself, don't just listen to yourself.

Your mind will feed you doubt, fear, and negativity. That's what minds do. Your job isn't to passively accept it. Your job is to challenge it. Tell yourself what's true, not what's easy to believe.

Vrabel was clear that this doesn't mean ignoring reality:

"That doesn't say that there aren't tough times that you struggle with failure. You have to be able to recognize it and know that that is a part of all of us."

Failure isn't the opposite of success - it's part of the path to it. Successful people don't avoid adversity. They expect it. They know setbacks and challenges are coming, and they prepare to learn from them.

Then Vrabel dropped some clarity that only comes from experience:

"If you coach long enough, you're gonna get fired. Just like if you play long enough, you're gonna get cut or you're gonna get traded. That's just how this business is."

That's not cynicism. That's clarity.

"I've tried to explain it to the players that this is what happens. And I'm grateful for the opportunity to be able to do it with this group of guys."

Tough times happen. The choice is whether you become a tough person who overcomes them.

This week's questions: What are you telling yourself right now - and is it helping or hurting you?

There's a reason military units, championship teams, and startup founders share such deep bonds.

It's not the wins - it’s the struggle.

A 2018 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found something that challenges conventional wisdom about team building. Researchers discovered that teams who shared adverse experiences - not positive ones - showed significantly increased supportive interactions between members. And that support translated directly into higher creativity and performance.

The assumption has always been that positive reinforcement, comfortable environments, and shared rewards are what build strong teams. Think Silicon Valley offices with bean bags, games, and break-out areas.

But the research tells a different story. Sharing negative or adverse experiences is actually more effective at promoting group bonding and commitment than sharing positive ones.

Think about the teams you've been on that felt unbreakable. Was it the easy season that bonded you? Or was it the adversity - the losses, the grind, the moments where you had to depend on each other just to survive?

Hard things done together build something that comfort never can.

As a leader, this reframes how you think about challenges. The difficult stretch isn't just something to get through - it's an opportunity to build the kind of trust and connection that lasts.

Are you protecting your team from hard things? Or are you going through hard things with them?

👉 Read the full study: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6266683/

I keep coming back to two words: urgency and energy.

The best leaders I've been around don't wait for their team to bring the energy. They set it. First one in the room with purpose. First one to attack the work. First one to raise the standard.

Consistency matters - we've talked about that. But consistency without urgency is just going through the motions. It's showing up the same way every day, but showing up flat.

Urgency is different. It's the sense that this matters. That today matters. That we don't have unlimited time to figure it out.

The best teams I've seen have leaders who carry that urgency in how they walk, how they talk, how they prepare. It's contagious. When the leader operates with energy and purpose, the team follows.

And here's the uncomfortable question: if you don't bring it, who will?

Your team takes cues from you on how seriously to take the work, how much energy to bring, how urgent the mission really is.

You can't demand urgency from others if you're not modeling it yourself.

So ask yourself: What tone are you setting when you walk in the room? Is it the tone that gets the best out of your team - or is it just... fine?

Fine isn't good enough…not if you want to build something special.

For coaches and leaders:

For athletes and performers:

All of these posts and more are in the Coaching Vault.

What I am reading and listening to:

📚 Book: Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

🎧Podcast: HeadCoachU - 021 - Kansas City Chiefs Head Coach Andy Reid

🎥 Video: The 4 Most Important Words in Leadership According to Bill Walsh

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