🧭The Link Between Self-Esteem and Confidence

Good Day, and welcome to The Growth Compass. We are that first breath of fresh air on a crisp, fall morning, invigorating you with life as you begin to take on your day.

Here’s where we’re headed today:

• Ralph Waldo Emerson on self-esteem

• What is self-esteem and how it helps bring confidence

• The idea of self-esteem vs. self-compassion

• Adam Grant on self-esteem

Ralph Waldo Emerson on Self-Esteem

"Nothing can bring you peace, but yourself."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why Self-Esteem Matters

Self-esteem, a concept often discussed and yet not fully understood, plays a pivotal role in shaping our lives. It affects the way we view ourselves, how we relate to others, and the choices we make.

What is self-esteem: Self-esteem is the evaluative judgment you make about your own worth, value, and abilities. It's the belief you have in your value as a human being.

True self-esteem should come from within, based on an understanding of your character, values, and qualities that make you unique.

Why self-esteem matters: It’s a fundamental factor in determining your overall mental and emotional well-being. It influences your self-image and plays a role in how you view yourself, ultimately affecting how you interact with the world.

1. Increased Resilience: Improved self-esteem helps you bounce back from setbacks and adversity more effectively, enhancing your ability to handle life's challenges.

2. Enhanced Confidence: Higher self-esteem boosts your self-confidence, making it easier to pursue goals, take risks, and assert yourself in various areas of life.

3. Improved Mental Health: Better self-esteem is associated with reduced stress, anxiety, and depression, contributing to a more positive and stable emotional state.

4. Healthier Relationships: Improved self-esteem enables you to build more satisfying and authentic relationships, as you communicate more openly and make choices that align with your true self.

5. Greater Life Satisfaction: Individuals with enhanced self-esteem tend to experience greater overall life satisfaction, as they feel more in control, positive, and fulfilled in their pursuits.

What the science says: Research shows that individuals with higher self-esteem tend to experience greater life satisfaction, increased confidence, reduced stress, and more positive relationships. They are also more resilient in the face of adversity. 

The root of insecurity often lies in your craving for the approval of others. When you base your self-esteem on external validation, you grant others the power to inflate or deflate your self-worth based on their judgments. This external dependency creates an unstable foundation for your self-esteem, leading to anxiety, self-doubt, and insecurity. 

1. Mindfulness: Studies in "Psychological Science" (Brown & Ryan, 2003) have shown that mindfulness can help you recognize when you are attaching your self-esteem to external outcomes. It can help you stay rooted in the present moment and not let external judgments define your worth.

2. Develop Intrinsic Motivation: Research from "Motivation and Emotion" (Deci & Ryan, 2000) highlights that focusing on what truly motivates you, what you are passionate about, and what aligns with your values can help detach your self-esteem from external success.

3. Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity: The "Journal of Experimental Social Psychology" (Park et al., 2007) suggests that understanding that failures and setbacks are not a reflection of your self-worth but rather are part of the growth process can help you detach your self-esteem from your performance.

Your self-esteem is a cornerstone of your confidence and purpose. The most stable self-esteem comes from within. It means recognizing your intrinsic worth, values, and character strengths. As a result, by stabilizing your self-esteem, you reduce your insecurities and don’t rely on the approval of others. The highest accomplishment in life is not a string of achievements - it's about being a person of generosity, curiosity, and integrity.

Kristin Neff on Self-Esteem vs. Self-Compassion

Kristin Neff is an associate professor at the University of Texas who is one of the experts on self-compassion and how it relates to self-esteem. I have included her Ted Talk below, but done a review of what she thinks on the topic.

She starts by defining self-esteem as a global evaluation of self-worth, asking, "Am I a good person, or am I a bad person?" Self-esteem has traditionally been considered the ultimate marker of psychological health. But there are pitfalls, she points out the potential issues with self-esteem, particularly in American culture. She explains that there's an intense pressure to feel above average, compare yourself to others, and defend yourself against aggression.

Self-esteem is often contingent on success, and the fear of failure can be demotivating. So instead, she introduces the concept of self-compassion as a healthier alternative to self-esteem.

Self-compassion is not about judging oneself positively but rather about relating to oneself kindly and embracing one's imperfections. She defines self-compassion as having three core components:

1. Treating oneself with kindness

2. Recognizing one's shared humanity and common imperfections

3. Practicing mindfulness.

Neff shares the research findings that show self-compassion is strongly related to positive mental health outcomes. It is linked to:

• Less depression

• Less anxiety

• Less stress

• Less perfectionism

• Greater motivation.

Self-compassion fosters a sense of connectedness with others and leads to better interpersonal relationships. Research has compared self-compassion and self-esteem, and the results indicate that self-compassion offers the benefits of self-esteem without the pitfalls. Self-compassion is more stable, offers a sense of self-worth when you fail, and doesn't lead to narcissism or harmful social dynamics.

3 Habits to Start Implementing Self-Compassion

Habit 1: Monitor Your Self-Talk: Be Aware: Pay attention to your inner dialogue without judgment. Avoid criticizing yourself for self-criticism; it's a normal human experience.

Habit 2: Improve Your Self-Talk: Replace self-criticism with self-compassion, be kind to yourself. Use Affirmations: Incorporate positive affirmations for motivation and nurturing self-talk.

Habit 3: Accept Your Imperfections and Set Goals: Practice Self-Acceptance: Acknowledge and accept your imperfections without judgment. Set Realistic Goals: Identify areas for self-improvement while aligning goals with self-compassion.

Adam Grant on Self-Esteem and Confidence

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