🧭 Stop Stealing the Struggle: How to Build Leaders, Not Followers

Jocko Willink on leadership and ownership

How to make critical thinking and ownership daily habits

One of the most critical things we’re missing in society today? We are not developing leaders and critical thinkers.

This idea started from a post by Jon Beck earlier this week. It stuck with me because I was having a conversation about the same issue:

We are failing to develop leaders because we aren’t giving people the ability to think critically and take ownership.

The Problem: We’re Stealing the Struggle

One thing missing in so many programs today is the development of leadership.

• Kids struggle to lead because they’re used to adults controlling everything.

• Employees struggle to lead because they’re used to managers making every decision.

They follow instructions.
They seek approval.
They rarely make decisions for themselves. They follow instructions and seek approval instead of challenging ideas.

But leadership demands something different. It requires thinking critically, making decisions, and taking ownership—skills that aren’t emphasized enough.

And this isn’t just a sports problem - it’s a leadership problem in corporate America, in schools, and in teams everywhere.

We want innovation, better teams, and stronger leadership—but we don’t always create environments where people learn how to think for themselves.

3-Step Leadership and Ownership Development Model

1. Plan - Set the standard

   Before handing over responsibility, you have to define leadership expectations. What does leadership look like? What does good decision-making involve?

   • Explain what teams/leaders should handle vs. what managers/coaches will handle.

   • Outline clear responsibilities and let people own key tasks.

   Leadership isn’t just about taking charge—it’s about knowing what success looks like.

2. Ownership - Give responsibility and let them lead

   This is where most coaches, managers, and leaders fail: They won’t let go.

   Bob Ladouceur, legendary De La Salle coach, understood this.

   • Instead of telling players what to do, he made them watch film, analyze opponents, and even create game plans.

   • His players became problem-solvers, not just executors.

   The same applies to business. Steve Kerr lets his NBA players run their own practices because he knows ownership builds leadership. If you want leaders, give them space to lead.

3. Feedback - Guide without micromanaging

   Giving people ownership without feedback doesn’t work. They need support and adjustments.

   • When players make mistakes, don’t just correct them—ask questions.

     • “What did you see?”

     • “What would you do differently?”

   • When employees hit roadblocks, don’t jump in too fast.

     • “What’s your plan to solve this?”

     • “What’s another way to approach this?”

   The best leaders don’t just hand out solutions—they train people to think for themselves.

How did Google validate this?

In the early 2000s Google Launch Project Oxygen, analyzing 10,000+ observations of leadership behaviors. Their biggest finding?

The best leaders:
✅ Empowered people with ownership instead of micromanaging.
✅ Asked questions instead of giving answers.
✅ Provided consistent feedback to help employees grow.
✅ Encouraged independent thinking rather than just execution.

Their biggest takeaway? Technical skills matter, but emotional intelligence and critical thinking are what separate great leaders.

The best teams aren’t led by the smartest person in the room- they’re led by those who create space for others to think, contribute, and grow.

The Ownership Model

Jocko Willink, in his book Extreme Ownership, lays it out clearly:

• No excuses. No blame. No waiting.

• Take full responsibility for everything in your control.

• Own your actions, outcomes, and growth.

This applies directly to sports, leadership, and business. The best people, teams, and organizations don’t make excuses—they make adjustments.

The reality? If you don’t take ownership, someone else will control your path.

How to apply this today

Whether you’re a coach, a parent, a leader, or an athlete, this applies to you.

1. Stop Stealing the Struggle

   • Let people figure things out before stepping in.

   • Give athletes more control over game plans, drills, and execution.

   • Give employees projects with real ownership, not just tasks to complete.

2. Give People Space to Make Decisions

   • In sports: Let captains lead the huddle. Let teams solve problems before you step in.

   • In business: Give employees real responsibility. Let them own projects instead of just executing someone else’s vision.

3. Build Feedback Loops

   • Instead of just correcting mistakes, ask questions that develop problem-solving skills.

   • Encourage reflection so people learn from their failures instead of fearing them.

Ask yourself:

• Am I helping my team take ownership, or am I micromanaging?

• Do I empower my players/employees, or do I make every decision for them?

• How can I shift responsibility to develop stronger leaders?

Ownership is the difference between passive followers and proactive leaders.
And the best teams? They build leaders, not just players.

Final Thought

We need better leaders in sports, business, and life.
We don’t need more instructions—we need more critical thinkers.

If we want people to lead, we have to stop telling them what to do and start teaching them how to think.

It starts today. Give someone the chance to lead. Let them struggle. And watch them grow.

Favorite Posts I Found This Week

Free Mental Fitness Links 👇

For Athletes and Performers:

• Why effort is the most important thing when it comes to grit

• How to overcome your fear of failure

• Why winning starts with effort and attitude

• 7 things great teammates do for their teams

• The 6 principles of self-discipline explained

For Coaches and Leaders:

• Geno Auriemma explaining how he coaches body language

• The 2 important traits of all great coaches according to Steve Kerr

• One of the greatest definitions of culture

• 7 common pitfalls of great teams

What I am reading and listening to:

📚 Book: How to Save Youth Sports: A Manifesto

🎥 Video: Nate Oats: Head Basketball Coach At The University Of Alabama

🎧Podcast: Episode 64- Muffet McGraw on Why We Need More Women in Leadership | Molly Fletcher Show

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