🧭 How to Actually Deal with Disappointment

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• American Philosopher on Disappointment

• How to Deal with Disappointment

• Great Posts of the Week

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How to Deal with Disappointment

This video from the Nvidia CEO has been going viral and is a great talk about resilience, expectations, and the value of hard work.

I wanted to call it out because everyone agrees that we normalize “failing,” but we don’t talk about the mental side of how to deal with disappointment and “failure.” And that’s what we are going to discuss today…

Disappointment is a feeling of dissatisfaction that arises when expectations are not met. It can stem from various aspects of life, such as personal goals, relationships, or career aspirations.

Why It Matters: We will all have disappointments in life, but it’s crucial to be able to address them because they affect your mental health and overall well-being. Learning to cope with disappointment builds resilience, maintains motivation, and helps you keep pursuing goals despite setbacks.

So what are some strategies to deal with disappointment, and how does the data back it up?

1. Acknowledge what you’re feeling

   • Data: Researchers found that individuals who acknowledged and accepted their negative emotions experienced reduced emotional intensity and improved emotional resilience. This means that accepting emotions like disappointment can make them less overwhelming and easier to manage.

   • Action: Take time to recognize and accept your emotions when you feel disappointed. This validation is the first step toward healing. Allow yourself to feel and express these emotions to process them effectively.

2. Reframe your perspective

   • Data: Research, published in Emotion, found that reframing (cognitive reappraisal) is associated with better mental health outcomes, including lower levels of anxiety and depression. Individuals who used this technique were better at managing negative emotions. (Gross and John 2003)

   • Action: Shift your viewpoint from negative to positive. Ask what you can learn from the situation. This helps turn disappointments into valuable learning experiences, promoting personal growth.

3. Reframe your focus

   • Data: Researchers found that people who concentrated on what they could control experienced less stress and were better able to manage disappointment. This approach helps mitigate feelings of helplessness. (Troy et al., 2010)

   • Action: Concentrate on what you can control rather than what went wrong. Strengthen your focus and your habits around focus. Setting new, realistic goals can help you regain a sense of purpose.

4. Practice some self-compassion with yourself

   • Data: Studies showed that self-compassionate individuals exhibited higher resilience and lower negative emotional responses. They were better able to cope with failures and setbacks. (Neff et al., 2007)

   • Action: Work on your self-compassionate self-talk. Be kind to yourself when things don't go as planned. Treat yourself with the same understanding and patience you would offer a friend. This helps reduce self-criticism and promotes emotional healing.

5. Take constructive action

   • Data: The researchers found that proactive measures in response to disappointment helped individuals regain a sense of control and achieve satisfaction. Taking action rather than ruminating on the setback led to better emotional outcomes. (Carver and Scheier, 1998)

   • Action: Use your disappointment as motivation to improve. Identify steps you can take to prevent similar disappointments in the future. Proactive measures help you regain control and move forward positively.

What are some of the bigger things that you should think about?

Focus, self-awareness, and emotional regulation are crucial for effectively managing disappointment. If you look at all the habits above, they are driven by these 3 skills. Developing these skills ensures you can navigate setbacks with a positive outlook and continue pursuing your goals. Consistently ask yourself:

1. What can I control in this situation?

2. How can I reframe this disappointment into a learning opportunity?

3. Am I being kind and compassionate towards myself?

Great Posts from the Week

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